A police chief, a fire chief, and a city attorney were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer welcomed them in, but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn. This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs. . . . . . . . . . I busted a mirror the other day. That's seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. . . . . . . . . . A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. � Benjamin Franklin . . . . . . . . . A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. "Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer. "Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer'." "But that won't let people know who it is!" protested the lawyer. "Sure it will," retorted the stonecutter. "People will read it and exclaim, "That's Strange!". . . . . . . . . A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were camping in a backwoods section of Maine. Early one morning, the two went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears - a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast has he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female. "Whatdidja do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!" "Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?". . . . . . . . . A man and an alligator walked into a bar. "Do you serve lawyers here?", the man asked. "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator." . . . . . . . . . A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute! That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get???" St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."

Pictures from other trips.

Part One, The Okefenokee

In the mid 90s, we took a group of cub scouts for a little canoeing/camping trip to the Okefenokee Swamp. Here are some pics.

CorrectUpside down
This picture demonstrates the mirror-like quality of the water's surface. Can you tell the original? First it was scanned right side up, then upside down.


This is the landing at Billy's Island. Billy's Island was the site of an actual town during the logging heyday in the early part of this century. The community even had a movie theater. We paddled up to this island to explore the remnats of past civilizations. The image is surreal, but you can see J.D. at the end of the pier.




Part two. A deserted coastal island.

Jeff, J.D. and I explored the salt marsh around some islands off the coast of South Carolina.


Jesus knew what he was talking about when he counseled against building a house on sand. People still ignore what he said.



There was a great deal of beach erosion, lending something of an ethereal feeling to the place. The beach was in the woods or the woods were on the beach.




Part three. The Apalachee River.

I have done the Apalachee River from the Highway 78 Bridge to the Lake Oconee Bridge, Highway 278, a total of right at 31 miles. I did it in 3 different sections on 3 different days. The first time was the middle section, from High Shoals to just below Highway 441, about 12 miles. We did the trip in early spring in 1994, my first trip in my Old Town Tripper. I recount the story in the Broad River section of these pages. Since the water level was up, there wasn't any dragging. Indeed, this particular section of the river is a popular day paddle when the water level is up. That's the key, though -- when the water level is up. The water level has been down now for several years because of this persistent drought. There are many shoaly areas along this stretch of the river which, in order for you to get through in low water, you will have get out and drag the canoe. But, that's what you can expect from a trip on that section of the Apalachee this time of year.

My next trip on the Apalachee was January of '95. Jeff and I put in at the 441 Bridge and paddled through Collarbone Rapids, where we took an involuntary swim, (It was a warm, sunny day and we quickly dried out.) and paddled and dragged the 10.9 miles to the Highway 278 Bridge on Lake Oconee (which, BTW, is only 1 1/2 miles from my house). Just below the rapids, the river splits up into fingers. But, don't let this image fool you. There is no one channel recognizeable as the main channel. Just pick one and hope for the best. The day was absolutely gorgeous, with the sun streaming though the trees of the swamp through which we trudged. Trudged, indeed, for we did as much dragging of the boat as we did paddling. I was releived when the fingers came back together a few miles later as the river passed under the remains of Tremble Bridge, its haunting rusted iron frame still spanning the river, and we could paddle again. But, my relief was short lived, as the river again disappeared into the swamp. It remained this way until about a mile above the takeout at the Highway 278 Bridge.

Moreover, since this trip was in January, the water was up. It would be awful in late summer, with the water low. But aside from the water level, I'd have an even bigger concern with doing this section in the hot time of year: copperheads, cottonmouths and rattlesnakes. I flat out would not do this section in the summer. Where the river flows just below the 441 bridge is well known to contain well more than its fair share of rattlesnakes, in significantly higher numbers than any other area of the county. It's those rocks that cause collarbone rapids -- part of that major granite structure that runs from Stone Mountain over to Elberton -- that lie exposed in the woods and which provide the ideal rattlesnake habitat. And there ain't a swamp in Georgia that don't have a lot of copperheads....

My third trip down the Apalachee was in June of 2000, I think.. Laura Wexler was doing a book about the lynchings at More's Ford on the Apalachee and wanted get a view from the river. So, one fine Saturday morning, about 8 o'clock, we put in at the Highway 78 bridge. It's a good thing we got an early start. You may figure that I'm harping on this drought too much, and maybe I am, but we dragged two very tired butts off that river nine hours later after having dragged and toted the boat at least half of the mere 9.3 miles to High Shoals. We hadn't gone a mile, a tough mile at that, when we had to portage a couple hundred yards around deadfalls. That set the tone for the remainder of the day. There are two old defunct dams on the river that also must be portaged. Their presence gave me a sense of how many mills there once were on most of the rivers and creeks in north Georgia. Another positive note of the trip were the number of mountin laurels there were along the river. However, we were too late to enjoy the profusion of spring blooms there must have been as evidenced by the copious spent blossoms we saw. I also saw a number of Paw Paw trees. But we were too early to enjoy the fruits. There were also a number of other flora natives. Carolina Jessamine, Cross Vine, etc. Again, this trip is not ecommended during dry weather, as we are currently experiencing. I regret that these notes on the Apalachee are so negative. A bad day on the river is still better than a good day mowing the grass at home. I'm glad that I had these experiences. But I'd need to be paid to repeat it. The nice thing about the Apalachee is its wildness. It has a significantly wild and remote feeling.





J.D. in a contemplative moment (eating lunch) after we made 23 miles in 4 hours on a flooded Flint River in South Georgia.


Explore a river. . . .



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