Sometimes the funniest things lawyers say aren't meant to be jokes. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide. They were compiled by a client of the Salt Lake City law firm of Johnson & Hatch. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?. . . Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?. . .Q: What happened then?A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me." Q: Did he kill you?. . .Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? . . .The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?. . .Were you alone or by yourself?. . .How long have you been a French Canadian?. . . .Do you have any children or anything of that kind?. . . . . .Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.A: That's me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?. . .Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?. . . .Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?. . . Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now? A: I'll be three months on Nov. 8. Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was Aug. 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at that time?. . . Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable? A: I used to be. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?. . . So you were gone until you returned? . . . Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there girls? . . . You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? . . . Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? . . . Q: Have you lived in this town all your life? A: Not yet. . . . A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question.". . . Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel? A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct? A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy! . . . . . . . . .A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" "No," the coroner replied. The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heart beat?" The coroner said, "No." "Did you check for breathing?", asked the attorney. Again the coroner replied, "No." The attorney asked, "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."

On September 22, 2005, at 6:23 p.m.,
upon the Autumnal Equinox,
at Earthsong along the
Oconee River near Athens, Georgia,
Jan Kirkham
and
Joel Shiver
were joined in marriage.



My daughter, Samantha, took all these pictures.
I'm sure you will enjoy them.


The Wedding.



We approach the spot via a short, pleasant stroll along the river.



We crossed these rocks as separate souls to be
married on the rocks in the river.











Tina Tinsley officiated at the small ceremony.



JD was the ringbearer.



Jan wrote a most eloquent and touching poem about why she chose me
above all others to share her life.She recited it from memory.





It was obvious that I was deeply moved by her thoughts.



I, on the other hand, wrote a not so eloquent essay - which I had to read,
and which included the fact that
Jan's a good woman and I think she'll make me a fine wife.



It was evident that she was deeply moved by my thoughts.



But, I did play and sing.































Samantha and JD. joined us. Samantha was the photographer. JD was the ringbearer. Jan's children, Jill, Jeff and Pete were in South Florida and were unable to make it. Jill is in Fort Myers. Jeff and Pete are in Miami.
Tina owns Earthsong, the property where we were married. Earthsong is a complex of small cabins and meeting places nestled in the woods along a mile stretch beside the river.

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